The Tradition of the Best Man: From Bodyguard to Best Friend
In weddings today, the best man is a familiar and often beloved figure—standing beside the groom, offering support, giving a heartfelt (or hilariously embarrassing) toast, and making sure the rings don’t get lost. But this role didn’t start as a sentimental tradition filled with speeches and bachelor parties. In fact, the origins of the best man go back centuries, and the early duties were far less ceremonial and much more… intense. Over time, the role has evolved dramatically, reflecting changing cultural values and the shift toward weddings as a celebration of love rather than a business transaction or strategic alliance.
The Surprising Origins of the Best Man
The tradition of having a best man can be traced back to Germanic tribes in the 16th century—though some historians suggest it goes back even further, possibly to ancient Roman times. In its earliest forms, the “best man” was not chosen for his charm, organizational skills, or ability to give a killer toast. Instead, he was chosen for his strength, courage, and loyalty.
In some parts of Europe, particularly in Germanic culture, marriage was not always a matter of mutual consent between families. If a groom wanted to marry a woman and her family did not approve—or if she lived far away and travel was dangerous—he might “kidnap” his bride-to-be. This act, known as “marriage by capture,” required the assistance of a strong, trusted ally who could help protect the groom and fend off angry relatives. This ally was the original best man.
Once the bride was brought to the groom’s home, the best man’s duties were not over. He often stood guard during the wedding ceremony and even afterward, ensuring the bride wasn’t taken back by her family. In short, the best man was less a party planner and more a personal bodyguard.
From Protector to Supporter: The Role Evolves
As societies moved away from the practice of bride kidnapping, the best man’s role began to shift. By the 18th and 19th centuries, particularly in England and the United States, weddings had become more ceremonial events rather than risky endeavors. The best man was still considered an important figure, but his duties were now more symbolic and supportive.
During the Victorian era, the best man’s responsibilities expanded to include:
Assisting with logistics: helping organize travel arrangements, securing accommodations, and ensuring the groom was on time.
Witnessing the marriage: standing alongside the groom as a legal witness to the union.
Holding the wedding rings: a practical responsibility that has survived into modern weddings.
Acting as an honorary host: greeting guests and making sure everyone knew where they needed to be.
This period also marked the start of the best man as a figure of friendship rather than just brute force. Instead of being chosen for his sword skills, he was picked for his closeness to the groom and his ability to help the day run smoothly.
The Best Man in Modern Weddings
In contemporary weddings, the role of the best man has become a blend of tradition, friendship, and personal expression. While the specific duties can vary depending on cultural background and the couple’s preferences, some responsibilities are almost universal.
Common Modern Duties of a Best Man:
Planning the Bachelor Party
The best man is often tasked with organizing the groom’s last big celebration before the wedding. While this used to be a modest gathering, pop culture and movies have transformed it into anything from a casual night out to an elaborate weekend getaway.Providing Emotional Support
Weddings can be stressful, and the best man acts as the groom’s right-hand person—offering reassurance, keeping nerves in check, and sometimes even mediating last-minute conflicts.Keeping the Groom on Schedule
From making sure the groom eats breakfast to ensuring he’s at the altar on time, the best man often acts as the unofficial timekeeper.Safeguarding the Rings
This is one tradition that hasn’t changed for centuries—the best man still holds the rings until the moment they are exchanged.Giving a Toast
The reception speech is now one of the most anticipated moments of a wedding, with the best man often delivering a mix of humor, sentiment, and storytelling.Dancing, Mingling, and Representing the Couple
The best man is a visible figure at the wedding, expected to be social, help guests feel welcome, and ensure the energy of the celebration stays high.
How the Role is Changing Today
While the “best man” remains a popular title, weddings today are far more flexible and inclusive than in the past. The role is no longer strictly male, and it’s not uncommon to see a “best woman” or “man of honor” standing by the groom. Similarly, some couples choose to have multiple best men, or skip the title altogether in favor of a group of close friends who share the duties.
Personalization Over Tradition
Many couples today prefer to personalize the role. The best man might still give a toast, but instead of a bachelor party, they might organize a camping trip, a group hike, or a cooking class—something that reflects the couple’s personality. Duties like guarding the rings might be shared with other members of the wedding party.
Digital and Social Media Duties
In the age of Instagram and TikTok, the best man may also help with capturing moments, posting updates, or coordinating group photos. They might even take part in planning surprise video montages for the couple.
Cultural Variations Around the World
While the Western “best man” is widely recognized, other cultures have their own unique versions of this role.
In China, the groom may have multiple best men, called xiong di (brothers), who assist with traditional wedding games and rituals.
In Nigeria, best men are part of larger entourages that can include dozens of friends and family members.
In Greece, the “koumbaros” (best man) plays an important role in the Orthodox wedding ceremony, often acting as a spiritual sponsor and participating in symbolic rituals.
These variations show how the role can be deeply rooted in cultural traditions while still adapting to modern times.
Why the Best Man Still Matters
At its core, the tradition of the best man is about support—standing by the groom not just physically at the altar, but emotionally through one of life’s biggest milestones. While his duties have shifted from guarding against sword-wielding in-laws to safeguarding the ring box, the heart of the role remains the same: loyalty, friendship, and helping ensure the wedding day is as joyful and stress-free as possible.
Whether steeped in history or reinvented for today’s world, the best man continues to be a symbol of trust and camaraderie. And while you probably won’t need yours to fend off angry relatives with a sword, it’s nice to know that tradition has evolved into something far more celebratory—though just as meaningful.